


i’m running for that (crown)

by thefaultofoursouls



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feels, I cried during 3x07, So much emotion, angsty, be prepared for heartbreak, but yeah this is different, for clexa, i am trash, kind of, what the heck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 21:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13912281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefaultofoursouls/pseuds/thefaultofoursouls
Summary: Clarke Griffin is not Clarke Griffin without Lexa Woods.Lexa Woods is about to become Lexa Woods-August.





	i’m running for that (crown)

**Author's Note:**

> Um, hi.  
> So this is my first fic. (For Clexa, anyway.)  
> Yell at me in the comment below if you cried - or didn’t like it.  
> Or just wanted to chat about the 100, that’s fine too.

Clarke wakes that morning wanting to throw up.

  
She shouldn’t have.

  
She should have woken up wanting to celebrate and jump with joy, and get dressed in the white dress hanging in her closet, and put her blue eyeshadow on. She should have woken up bubbling with happiness because Lexa, her best friend, Lexa, her other half, was getting married. She should have been cackling evilly with Raven and Anya, brainstorming ways to tease Lexa and Costia on their honeymoon to Germany after the marriage.

  
Not this.

  
Not feeling like her soul was splitting in half.

  
Not feeling like she wanted to hurl herself out of the nearest window.

  
Not feeling like she was less than Costia because Lexa loved Costia in the way that Clarke wanted Lexa to love her.  
(In another world, there would be green staring into blue, candles dying down in the night and Lexa Lexa Lexa beating through Clarke’s heart, through her veins, through her soul. She knows this.

  
But she wonders if it is possible to die from loving someone too much.)

  
Raven knocked on the door to her room once but pushed it open anyway. On seeing Clarke on her floor, sitting cross legged and staring into nothing, she hurried over to her side and knelt there, patting Clarke’s back, calling out for Octavia.  
Brown eyes burn into blue, and there is sorrow in both of them. But the blue eyes having seas of sadness in them.

  
Clarke barely registers Octavia rushing into the room and clucking sympathetically when she sees them.

  
They all know this, Clarke thinks. They all know that Clarke loves Lexa so much that it feels like she is set on fire from the inside. They all see the way she looks at her, with all the memories and fights and wins and hope and fear inside.  
But that doesn’t matter.

  
Lexa doesn’t know, and Clarke hopes she never will, because the last thing she wants is for her to be unhappy.

  
She would rather burn a thousand times over in her own love than have that happen to Lexa.

  
That is the only reason she stands up.

  
The only reason that she opens her closet door.

  
The only reason she closes her eyes as she puts the dress on.

  
The only reason she tries to ignore her friends talking in hushed tones worriedly about her.

  
The only reason she steps back out.

  
Forces a smile.

  
And asks Raven to do her makeup and braids Octavia’s hair.

  
(In another world, Lexa would be kissing Clarke senseless. She would pause, with a twinkle in her eyes, and tell her -)

  
Clarke silently lets the tears stream down and Raven stops after the lipstick.

  
She steps outside of her room and goes to find Lexa.

  
The only reason she’s going is because Lexa is her best friend.

  
Lexa is her other half, and before Clarke fell in love with her at twelve, they were inseparable.

  
That’s the only reason.

  
(She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s drowning.

  
She doesn’t want to say she’s dying, because she will always, always, always, always, let Lexa live.

  
In another land far, far away, Lexa is fearsome and terrible and all hard edges, and so is Clarke - but they are soft around each other, and Lexa is willing to die for Clarke and stays with her even after -

  
But that is not here.

  
That is not now.)

  
So Clarke steels herself, and marches on, a soldier meeting her death.

 

She still isn’t prepared for Lexa.  
Lexa turns around in her dress, and takes Clarke’s breath away, because she doesn’t just see a beautiful woman with curled brown hair falling in soft ringlets, the edge of a tattoo curling up from her neck, green eyes that look like a taiga in the spring, alight with nerves and will and fire -

  
She sees Lexa, eight years old and a scrawny little thing, stepping along in the sand, yelling as she gives chase to Gustus, her brother.

  
She sees Lexa, ten and an angel in disguise, as she throws another punch at the boy who called Clarke a heavyweight and a sumo, and her fist is bloody as she stares Finn down.

  
The same girl is thirteen and they’re Lexacoon and Clarkey, and they paint their nails and talk about boys and girls and giggle and watch shows on Netflix.

  
Fifteen now, and the only reason Clarke doesn’t kiss her, even though she wants to, is because Lexa has a girlfriend.

Costia.

  
Seventeen and graduating, with tears eyes as she takes her diploma, walks to the other side of the stage, and hugs Clarke tightly as she whispers we’re done sky princess-

  
(In another world, Clarke does fall from the sky.  
But Lexa catches her.)

  
Twenty-three and fencing, sweaty under her helmet as she fights for state champion, and falls but gets back up, and Clarke is crying as she cheers on for Lexa -

  
And then Lexa tells her Costia proposed.

  
And she said yes.

  
(Another universe. She says yes to Clarke over and over again.)  
And Clarke can’t bear this.

  
But she hugs Lexa back when hugged, and says I’ll miss you as Lexa says you better call me every day we are there, princess, and Clarke can pretend that the tears streaming down are because she will miss her best friend and only that. That it’s only platonic.

  
She feels detached, and numbly walks down the aisle minutes later.

  
Hands the flowers to Lexa.

  
Steps back.

  
Steels herself as Lexa kisses her on the cheek, and walks onto the floor near the altar.

  
Gets ready to watch Lexa Woods become Lexa Woods-August.

  
Anya catches her eyes, and somehow Clarke knows that Raven told her something.

  
Not that it matters anyway.

  
She watches Anya cry just a little as the priests if anyone has objections.

  
Clarke stays silent.

  
(In another one, she does not.  
In another world, Lexa’s eyes widen, and she scoops Clarke up.  
In another world, Clarke kisses her, and they get married on the same altar.)

  
In this one, she watches Lexa put the ring on Costia’s finger.

 

 

 


End file.
